5 Ways to Move Through Loneliness

Loneliness is love with nowhere to go.

If you are currently struggling with loneliness, here are five tips that may help you feel lighter.

Name it for what it is

I just moved from LA to Taipei and had no immediate family nor best friend in the city.

I was sad but didn’t know I was lonely.

I thought I was just stressed at work.

My efforts to not feel my emotions fell apart during Christmas day.

Christmas is one of my favorite holidays because it’s a day of getting together with family and friends.

I spent that evening crying alone in my apartment.

That night, I finally admitted to myself: “I am lonely”.

The moment I said that, I felt free.

It’s like finding the trailhead in an intimidating forest.

Now I know what to work on.

Name the emotion to tame it.

Sit with it

It’s easy to just turn on Netflix and say goodbye to our uncomfortable feelings.

This is an act of bypassing our emotions.

Bypassing works in the short term however the emotion will come back unless we make friends with it.

Sit with loneliness if you want to face loneliness head-on.

Close your eyes and be grounded—Where is it in your body? How does it feel? If it were a color what would it be?

Recognize the bodily sensations so next time they come up, your mind registers that you are feeling lonely.

This self-awareness will go a long way because you can now hear the signals your body is giving you.

Connect with You

Loneliness feels different for different people.

Yet at the core of it is a primordial desire — a yearning for connection.

Connection with others and with our highest selves.

We start feeling lonely when we lose touch with the values we care about.

Pull out a sheet of paper and write down things that make you come alive.

Yoga. Mountain hiking. Food. Music.

Experiment with and find activities that make you feel like you.

Add events you enjoy to your calendar no matter how busy you are.

Be intentional when you are doing these activities. Acknowledge that you are doing this for your growth and wellbeing.

It’s also helpful to be aware of your top values. Do you prize freedom? beauty? accomplishment?

Are any of these values threatened right now?

Find ways to live out your values.

You are worth feeling great.

Remove social comparison

Instagram was not a fun place to be that Christmas night.

I remember getting sucked into people’s highlight reels, imagining that I had my family with me too.

I was involved in what could have been instead of where I was.

This tension between want and current reality led to jealousy and pain, which aggravated the loneliness I was feeling.

If I could go back to that night, I would tell myself to greet everyone I love a “Merry Christmas”, turn off my phone, and enjoy my own company.

Do yourself a favor and take care of yourself by removing unnecessary noise.

Peace comes in adding things that make you feel alive and removing activities that don’t.

Self-Compassion will lead you from Loneliness to Solitude

Loneliness showed me the way to solitude.

Self-compassion gave me the energy to walk the path.

I now enjoy my own company and am aware of what makes me come alive. This would not be possible if I gave up on myself.

There were days when I did fun activities yet still felt sad after.

Instead of criticizing myself, I learned to sit with my negative emotions and embraced them with compassion.

You practice self-compassion by being okay with who you are.

I hope you get to be kind to yourself as you are moving through this difficult time.

Loneliness is tough.

The good news is, I know that you will emerge from this stronger.

You will be able to stand on your two feet wherever you are in the world.

You will learn to create a home within yourself.

Most importantly,

Loneliness will teach you to direct love back to yourself.